The note I left taped to my front door today:
Dear Mr. Fedex,
I am so glad that you made it along with that ever so lovely and needed package. You see, I am having major phone issues and am in bad need of that replacement! Your timing is superb. Unfortunately, it has been brought to my attention that you can not leave that much needed lovely package without a signature.
That is very very unfortunate for me. You see, My family has decided not to bow to the systems and cultures of this world and accept free money from Mr. Obama as many others have chosen to do. Instead we both trudge off to work daily. And that's where we are currently as you read this letter. This makes us very unavailable for the afore mentioned necessary signature!
So I am granting you permission to leave said package on my porch. And am also including a signature at the bottom of this letter.
However, if that doesn't meet the requirements of your bosses, I would appreciate it greatly if my package be left with the neighbors to the right. They are great neighbors and I would love to visit them this after noon as I pick up the much needed package.
Thanks for your time and thanks for also trudging to work daily, inspite of free government money available to those who choose not to work.
Michael and Stephanie Jones
The result? Sweet. LG. Chocolate. Touch. Success. and one missing letter.